My Bullied History / Koe no Katachi (A Silent Voice) Mini Review

"Everyone goes through difficulties in life. But we're all in the same boat, aren't we? You have to learn to love even the things you hate about yourself and move forward." 

-A Silent Voice

As far as I can remember, I have been always a super sensitive kid. Whether I had it since birth or it was developed over time, I do not know. Even the silliest little insult at times that can be easily identified as a minor joke or to make me laugh at myself can possibly hurt me dearly as well. I don't know whether this is a good or bad attribute to have in my life, but it has taken me since elementary school to understand it a little bit better. Why do you ask since elementary? This was my earliest memory of getting bullied.

I believe we all get bullied throughout our life. Whether it be by someone at school or even at home meaning a brother, sister, or even parents, we have had some kind of bullied experience. This has probably happen the other way as well where we have bullied someone when we were young. What comes as a huge factor however to when we are bullied is how sensitive we are to the words being said to us or actions that are being included in by someone. As mentioned before, I was a very sensitive kid and still really sensitive now. I did, and still do at times, let myself hurt too easily by some little thing people say at times. We all hear that saying where, "Stick and Stones will break my bones, but words will never break me." To some extent, this is true. We shouldn't let word easily defeat us. We shouldn't let others definitions of ourselves destroy our own definition of ourselves. However, words still hurt. They can hurt very badly. 

In elementary school, I was bullied very heavily. It is very funny though because I was a big kid and could have easily stood up to the bullies that were bullying me. However, I was getting hurt very easily and it was pretty much hurting my way of life and school. My mother could see this and decided to transfer me to a different school. This was a private church school and so surely this would not have the trouble of bullying here, right? 

Actually, in my opinion, the bullying was even worse. Where as the bullying at my previous school was mostly done by boys, this time is was mainly girls. They didn't even want to touch me, look at me, or even interact with me. It was just terrible. I remember thinking, "If this is how all girls are, then I don't want any part of them." 

Don't get me wrong, I now realize I am a super weird person. But to have this thrown at you day after day in school, saying that you don't fit in, can very be heartbreaking. Now this never escalated to the point where I wanted to end my life or hurt myself physically in any way. However, there were other ways where I did hurt myself emotionally. With being bullied, comes a huge amount of stress. And being the young kid that I was, I was dealing with stress poorly in terrible ways. I started to want to separate myself and be alone. This even included my family. Maybe this was some kind of phase every teenager goes through whether it be a rebel part or another, but I firmly believe that the main trigger was bullying and self-definition. 

It came to a part where...I did start hating myself for a bit. Why was I like this? Why did I like the certain things that was I was getting made fun of? What was the true definition of normal? And was I as far away from that definition as possible as a person? I felt as if everyone had some wrong thing to point out at me. To quote one of my favorite shows named "Say 'I Love You', "No one likes others pointing out their weakness."

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I recently saw a movie called 聲の形 (pronounced Koe No Katachi) or in English, A Silent Voice. I was introduced to it through a church mission friend on Facebook. I read the manga/comic and really liked it and later found out a movie was coming out for it. It is my favorite slice-of-life movie to date. To put in short summary from Wikipedia, "The story revolves around Shoya Ishida, a former delinquent who bullied Shoko Nishimiya, his deaf girl classmate, alongside his friends back when he was in elementary school. When Nishimiya transferred, all of his friends and teachers turned against him, making him isolated well into high school to the point that he decides that there is no point in having friends. Having no plans for the future, Ishida even contemplates on committing suicide until he suddenly reunites with Nishimiya, who is still lonely due to her shyness. Realizing that both are suffering due to his past sins, Ishida sets out on a path of redemption by trying to reconnect Nishimiya with their old classmates that Nishimiya never had the chance to befriend back then.

To me, I was a combination between the two main characters in this story, Shoko Nishimiya and Shoya Ishida. Both go through such a hard time of people telling them that they are worthless, that they did things wrong. It even comes to the point where Shoya Ishida blocks out everyone and in his eyes, doesn't see peoples faces. Shoko Nishimiya even apologizes to people constantly for even being alive or in the peoples lives and hates herself for it. This was the sort of thing I found myself relating to. How did they fix these feelings? Well, a lot of factors came into play, but one main one stood out to me: They relied on each other plus friends and family to continue finding a reason to continue and live! 

This is how I remember getting out of the situation I was in. I did change schools, though I did have some good friends in that school as well. But the main thing was perhaps the group of friends I had in my church group where we gave constant support to each other. I also realized my family's love for me and very much appreciated it. I had great leaders in my Scouts program and church that help gather up my self-love again. Instead of blocking people out or just listening to the negative explanations of people pointing our flaws in my life, I started to listen to people more and see if there was any way I could correct the current flaws they pointed out. Instead of completely relying on myself for comfort. I found others, and I constantly found God again and again to help me improve myself. This does not mean I liked who I was. It means I loved who I was, current am, and who I can become.

Let me explain my last sentence in the last paragraph: I loved who I was meaning the great things I was that I didn't realize back then. Did I make mistakes? Ya, of course. But because of those mistakes and overcoming them or constantly becoming better to resist those bad things, I can be who I am today and become even better tomorrow.

As I look through people online who have been bullied and shared their story, one constant question that pretty much sticks out to me is, "Would've you like to change your life back then so that you would've handled things better?" To that I would answer: 

No.

I love who I am because of the actions and trials I went through. I love who I am now because I know how to overcome those obstacles if and when they come up again. Could there have been a better way to deal with them? Sure, but thinking on that constantly will not change a thing. Thinking about the now and to improve is the way I live my life now.  

I am still fully against bullying. I think it has a severe self-destructing effect on others than people realize. It can even lead to the cause of confused identification. People can sometimes lose the confidence in their-selves. But even if we get bullied, or even when we do bully others and feel completely bad about it, it is not the end of the world! We can overcome anything with help others. We may not stop bullying altogether, but we can sure stop and reverse the effects of it. 

Tomoyo After ~It's a Wonderful Life~ Mini Review

There are only a few things in this world that make me cry. "Tomoyo: It's A Wonderful Life" is now added to this list.

Let me take you back to when I was first introduced to this universe: I was an average freshman in my first semester in college after returning from my church mission. During my mission, I had gotten into this idea that I wanted to watch different anime shows. The problem was, I didn't know where exactly I should start. I finished one anime called "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya" and liked it very much. I didn't know quite the genre I was particularly interested in. Then one of my roommates who was trying to connect with me so I didn't seem like an outsider in this apartment complex, suggested of an anime called, "CLANNAD".  I went into this blind trusting his suggestion. What I didn't expect was that this particular anime was going to be my favorite shows of all time. It wasn't some show where it was like, "Wow! That was truly amazing! I need to watch it again as soon as possible". It was more of a calm and heartwarming. But the number one reason why this show is talked about is defined in this image:

Have you ever watched a movie or a show where you swear you are so close to the characters or can directly relate to them that you care so much about them? This was the instance of CLANNAD. The characters are introduced to you and one particular character, named Tomoya (TO-MO-YA), tries his best to fix each character that he comes in contact with issues. This is the case with the first part of the show which is just named, "CLANNAD". This impact becomes even harder in "CLANNAD: After Story" which is the second part of the CLANNAD show. It has been said that if you don't shed a tear during this entire show, then you are a monster.

Sorry, I got a little to ahead of myself. I won't give any spoilers  Here is the plot summary that introduces the show: Tomoya Okazaki is a third year high school student resentful of his life. His mother passed away from a car accident when he was younger, causing his father to resort to alcohol and gambling. This results in fights between the two until Tomoya's shoulder is injured in a fight. Since then, Tomoya has had distant relationships with his father, causing him to become a delinquent over time. While on a walk to school, he meets a strange girl named Nagisa Furukawa who is a year older, but is repeating due to illness. Due to this, she is often alone as most of her friends have moved on. The two begin hanging out and slowly, as time goes by, Tomoya finds his life shifting in a new direction.

Now to introduce one of the characters that Tomoya meets in this show. This person, as mentioned in the title of the game I am reviewing, is Tomoyo Sakagami. Her summary from giantbomb.com says, "Tomoyo is a recently transferred second year student at Tomoya's school and is one of the top students of the school. Although she is a year younger than Tomoya, she does not show him respect as her senior. Tomoyo's goal is to become the student council president. " 

Now this show is based on a visual novel game that share the same name as the show. In this visual novel, you have the choice to choose different paths that lead to a different story and also a relationship with the different characters you encounter. Tomoyo After is following the story of your decisions to follow the Tomoyo route in the original novel where Tomoyo is now your girlfriend that you are steady dating. To put it short, Tomoyo After ~It's a Wonderful Life~ follows the same format as the CLANNAD visual novel. You have certain choices that you can make to choose different paths in the story. Some can really alternate the story and make some incredible emotional moments. Although these moments are everywhere, I never really cried or felt depressed here, UNTIL THE VERY END. I will not spoil it for anyone, but never had I felt so close to one character in a long time.

I was in the plasma center donating when I reach the ending of this long and heart wrenching story. When that particular part it, I started to tear up a bit and people started looking at me weird. I would probably have the same reaction if someone did the same thing I did. Although I was embarrassed, I was still glad I was able to read this story. I came home to my apartment where the roommate I had previously that introduced me to CLANNAD was and told him I hate him for introducing me into this show/universe. Of course I meant it jokingly. 

In the end, if you are looking for a heartwarming and tearful story, I would say that this visual novel/story is a good choice. I understand if you do not like anime or don't want to come even close to it. But for all those who can look past that, this is something I would highly recommend. 

*Note: The one on steam is the clean version so all the bad scenes so I rather get this one than the other.

Electoral College vs. Popular Vote

                 The 2016 elections was a crazy experience for all. Not many knew who to vote for or even if they wanted to vote. Both candidates got below 50% of all the votes which means less than half of America did not like either one. According to CNN, Donald J. Trump got 46.3% of the votes and Hillary Clinton got 48.2% of all the votes that were counted. Even though Donald Trump got only 62,693,993 votes to Hillary Clinton’s 65,260,513 votes, he still won the election. Shouldn’t Hilary Clinton be the winner in this election since she got the biggest number of votes towards her? The Electoral College was the only thing that got in her way to win. The Electoral College should be the way the election is run because it shows the stance of the states and makes sure each state has value.

            This result isn’t new. There are plenty of U.S. elections in the past where even the loser got more votes than the declared winner of the election. In fact, in all the elections that we have had, we have had four not including our most recent election this year that the candidate who won the election did not get the popular vote. It first started out Andrew Jackson and John Quincy Adams in 1824. Jackson had 38,000 more votes than Adams, but still lost because he didn’t meet the required electoral vote of 131. Second was Rutherford B. Hayes who was 250,000 votes behind Samuel J. Tilden, but still won the electoral vote. The 2000 election was the more recent one where Bush beat Al Gore even though Bush was 540,000 votes behind.

            So what makes a candidate win an election? We already established that the winner doesn’t always need the most votes, or as it is well known as, the popular vote to win. This is because our Founding Fathers of the United States America through many different ideas chose the way to president would win the election would be through something called the College of Electors, or as we call it now, the Electoral College. On the archives.gov website, they said what the Electoral College is saying, “The founding fathers established it in the Constitution as a compromise between election of the President by a vote in Congress and election of the President by a popular vote of qualified citizens. The Electoral College process consists of the selection of the electors, the meeting of the electors where they vote for President and Vice President, and the counting of the electoral votes by Congress”. This way of election has always been a part of our system since the foundation of the United States becoming a country.

            However, mostly because of this recent election, there have been many who have signed petitions and want to fight for the Electoral College to be done away with and just be dependent on the popular vote. They claim that this way, every vote will be counted and valued and this way it would be fair.

            Let us clarify what exactly the voting process is for the Electoral College. In the response to the question, “Why does the U.S. have an Electoral College?” Joe Miller answered the following, “When U.S. citizens go to the polls to “elect” a president, they are in fact voting for a particular slate of electors. In every state but Maine and Nebraska, the candidate who wins the most votes (that is, a plurality) in the state receives all of the state’s electoral votes. The number of electors in each state is the sum of its U.S. senators and its U.S. representatives. (The District of Columbia has three electoral votes, which is the number of senators and representatives it would have if it were permitted representation in Congress.) The electors meet in their respective states forty-one days after the popular election. There, they cast a ballot for president and a second for vice president. A candidate must receive a majority of electoral votes to be elected president.” Instead of just counting up all the votes of those who voted in America, this Electoral College way includes each and every person in that state able to show their say in what president they want.

            But even the Electoral defined, there are others still saying that popular vote would still be the fairest way for a president to be elected. So the main question is: “Why did the founding fathers create the electoral college instead of doing the popular vote”? Joe Miller further explains on this question, “The reason that the Constitution calls for this extra layer, rather than just providing for the direct election of the president, is that most of the nation’s founders were actually rather afraid of democracy. James Madison worried about what he called “factions,” which he defined as groups of citizens who have a common interest in some proposal that would either violate the rights of other citizens or would harm the nation as a whole.” Let’s think for a minute and picture that the popular vote actually is the way we vote the president. The most populated state in America is California which has approximately thirty-eight million people. California has voted for the democratic candidate every time since 1992. If popular vote was the way we do elections that would mean majority of that population would go toward the democratic candidate. The same can be said for the other side like Texas.

            If this was the case, the country would become divided as the country would be run by, as James Madison called them, factions. The large cities that would be dominantly conservative or liberal would more likely establish the outcome of the election instead of the whole state itself. In other words, the large cities would be more in power than the whole state itself.

            The whole purpose why we call ourselves the United States of America is so that all of us will support each other and the American people will be united in purpose. If we allow different factions to control our countries outcomes, we are not all united. The only way that all of America can be representative is by the Electoral College. The popular vote only shows how dived the country is.

            Gary Gregg said it best, “If the United States does away with the Electoral College, future presidential elections will go to candidates and parties willing to cater to urban voters and skew the nation’s policies toward big-city interests. Small-town issues and rural values will no longer be their concern.” The electoral vote is the best way to show that every vote matters. Are there better ways to vote for a president in this country? There could be possibly better ways, yes. However, changing the entire system to the popular vote would not be the right decision and step towards the fairest election method.

            The preamble of the Constitution of the United States of America states, “We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.” Notice how at the beginning it says “We the People”. This country has the special opportunity for all of its residents to speak out and stand up for what they believe for.  We the People have the ability to vote who we want to become the next president of the United States. We the People are best represented in the presidential election by the Electoral College. The Electoral College is the best way to represent “We the People” in the presidential election.

The hope is that this country doesn’t turn into the Divided Factions of America or even to the United Large Cities of America. The founding fathers created this country and its name for a purpose so that all the states may become united no matter our different opinions. Popular vote will just magnify that division and we won’t become the name we were put out to be. Whether the president candidate that we voted for does not win the election, we should still move on and still let our voice be heard. Let us not complain that a system is corrupt because it simply did not go our way. We should continue to stand strong and let our voices still be heard. The Electoral College should be the way we vote for the future president of the United States of America.

Works Cited

Collisen, Stephen. "President-elect Trump." CNN. CNN, Web. 08 Dec. 2016.

Gore, D'Angelo. "Presidents Winning Without Popular Vote." FactCheck., 24 Mar. 2008. Web. 09 Dec. 2016.

"U. S. Electoral College, Official - What Is the Electoral College?" National Archives and Records Administration. Web. 10 Dec. 2016.

Miller, Joe. "The Reason for the Electoral College." FactCheck, 11 Feb. 2011. Web. 11 Dec. 2016.

"California Elected Officials Lookup." California Presidential Election Voting History. Web. 11 Dec. 2016.

Gregg, Gary. "Electoral College Keeps Elections Fair." POLITICO. Politico, 05 Dec. 2012. Web. 13 Dec. 2016.

U.S. Constitution. Preamble Page 1

Our God Given Gifts

             Gifts, gifts, gifts. Oh how we love when we get gifts from others. It gives us the feeling that we are loved at that moment. We see that gift and feel super happy about it. But although we may love just getting gifts from others and that moment of receiving it, do we feel the same as using said gifts?

            We see gifts as just an act of love and just accept that as it is. But can we return that love with using that gift as well. A mother might buy some Play-Doh for a child and the child is ecstatic about it, but if the child ignores it or doesn't use it, it seemed that gift was for nothing. We probably have all been sort of through this experience whether being the giver or the receiver. We may see a present and say, "Well, that is nice. Thanks!" And really never touch it again. Or you may see the person do that with your present and feel like you failed them in giving.

           How do we show love back to the person who gave us to the gifts? By using the gift, of course! If you don't use that gift that the person gave you, you don't really show the appreciation of that gift. My mom for Christmas bought me a X-Box 360 controller which I use for my computer when playing games with my roommate. I really thank my mom for this. I use this a lot of the time and the same can be said about my other gifts from others.

           But probably the biggest example of this concept is the Atonement of Jesus Christ. He gave us the perfect gift. He sacrificed Himself for us so that we may be able to return to Heavenly Father again. He provided a way for us to be forgiven by applying the atonement in our lives. Although many of us know about this, how many of us use this gift constantly? Many of us just think we need to use this gift once and then we are done with it and just store it up in the "attic" never to be touched again? Is that the way all gifts should be used? No. If we did this, then what was the point of that gift? Sure, we would still return to our Heavenly Father, but we wouldn't progress. We wouldn't be able to make ourselves better. We wouldn't find the joy of using this gift.

          This is how I see the Atonement. It is a gift. It has always been a gift. It was meant to be a gift. We need to use it as a gift. To show love to both Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, we use this gift constantly by taking the sacrament and repenting of our wrong doings. And this is not the only gift that God has given us. He gave us talents such as music, art, communication, language, etc. And what does the Lord say to us according to our talents? We should use them! Not hide them, or just use them once. We should use them constantly. (The scripture of the story of the talents is Matthew 25: 14-30)

        As many of you know, or now will know, I love to produce music. I like to write my own songs or do covers of different songs that I like as well. For some reason, when someone calls me out on it or wants to compliment me, I shy back and feel like I don't want to show this. It is a weird feeling. There are many of those who ask me to play for certain events or sacrament meetings and although I usually say yes, my natural instinct is to hide this and say, "Oh, I don't really play." But if I want to grow in my God given gift and shown my appreciation of this gift to Heavenly Father,  I should use this more often.
     
        We shouldn't hide our talents or gifts from others as the foolish man did in Matthew 25, but expound on it. Our gifts could become better and we can discover more of the gifts that God has given us as the wise men did by multiplying their talents. Use your gifts for good! Use them to show that your thankful. Use them, so that they may show love to all. I promise that if you do, you will gain more love of our Heavenly Father and His love for you.

Becoming One

            I have just begun to read the Old Testament. I have always been afraid of trying to understand a lot of the Old Testament mainly because of all the info and laws that are in there. It is a lot of information to try to remember at times and can get you also confused. But perhaps I have been taking it the wrong way of just trying to memorize things in it. There are some terrific things that are in there. One in particular that stood out to me was at the beginning of the book in Genesis. It is in chapter 2 verse 24 and it reads: Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

When I first read this, it seemed like a "duh" moment. Of course you leave your mom and dad behind to live with your spouse. But what really caught my attention was the ending of the verse. "And they shall be one flesh". I then asked myself a question: What does it mean to be one?

There is a similar verse in the Doctrine and Covenants 38: 27 which says: "... I say unto you, be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine."  We are told to be one. Not separate, but all as one. But what does that mean?

I remember at the beginning of my mission, my companion and I were at a members home after helping them with cutting logs. He treated us to some grill cheese sandwiches with tomato soup, (which is probably one of the best combinations out there) and we started to talk to him about families. He was talking about how close he was to his wife compared of when he didn't have the gospel and now when he did. He brought up the Genesis scripture and explained on how he saw it. He compared it by only using his two fingers: the index finger and the middle finger.

If you look at this figure of the fingers they are separate. There is that gap in between them and they are not one. They are not together and they are distant. We don't want to be like this. We don't want to be distant from who we love. We want to be closer together and see eye-to-eye with others.

Now we see here that they are together. There is no distance really between them.This is really good compared to as before. However, although they are together, this is not the best they can do, or if we apply it to us, the best that we can do. We still don't want to have two different purposes. We want to be as one.

This should be our goal. We need to become meaning one in purpose. But how can we do this? Look at the God Head as an example. They are 3 separate beings: Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. Even though they are separate the share one in purpose. What is that purpose? Moses 1:39: For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.






Does this only apply to family? No. This can apply to the Church as well. We want to see the way God sees a situation or how he see us as individuals. My hope is that we can all make that goal to become "one" as a people and as a family. This isn't a short term goal. This is going to take time, even to the end of our lives, but we can learn a whole bunch about us and how God sees us.

I Hate My Weaknesses, but...

Weaknesses just suck. It is tough to see yourself each time become subject to your weaknesses over and over again. When you think that you have came over your weaknesses, it is still there and it is a bother. It hurts your self confidence and sometimes your self worth when you fail to yeild to your weaknesses. So if these are the effects of weaknesses, why are they necessary?

Well, why do we have weaknesses in the first place? Wouldn't it just be easier if we were strong in all things so that we won't have to go through heartache, depression, or other hard feelings? Well, yes you would be right. Life would be easier. But what is a easy life worth if you don't know the various different feelings to endure and to learn about? If we all had no weaknesses in our lifes, where would be the experience you would gain in trying to overcome that weakness.

I will tell you now that, for some reason, I absolutely love the feeling of doing something very challenging or hard and completing it. It helps me realize I can do hard things. Let me give you an example that happened pretty recently: I work at a warehouse job and it isn't too hard. It is mainly packaging foods and all that. One day, in the middle of my shift I got super weak. It wasn't mainly a throwing up feeling, it was just that my body felt weak and tired. It wasn't a regular tired old feeling you feel when you don't get enough sleep or that "2 o'clock" feeling people have. I could have easily just said, "Hey, I am really tired and I think I am sick so I want to go home." But I really wanted to earn the money. I wanted to challenge myself. I wanted to push onward. I went throughout the rest of the work shift feeling super sore and tired, but I finished the shift. Even though I felt like I was going to faint or just purely sleep, I felt great! I felt good that I pushed through to the end.

Now you may say that I shouldn't have pushed my body that way and it wouldn't be good for it. But that isn't the point I wanted to say. Do we feel sometimes the same way about our weaknesses? Do we think, "You know what, let's just take the easy way out and give into temptation or give into our weaknesses and not make them strong."? Even though it may seem easy at first, the feeling afterword just sucks! You feel like you can't do anything. You feel like you are back at square one and that you can never get passed that step.

These are usually the thoughts that I think of when I keep coming back to my weaknesses. It is terrible. But it isn't good to dwell on these thoughts forever. What I do is I look on how much I improved from last time. Like, "Look how much money I saved this time instead of spending it all." or "Look how much I have ignored or not gotten into this temptation." I learn this tatic thanks to one of Al Fox's posts about overcoming trials.

When we look at the scripture in Enos about our weaknesses become strengths, what do we think usually? I remember that I thought that if I simply asked the Lord about turning my weakness into a strength, it would turn into one that instant or sometime that day. Sometimes we fail to remember that things happen in the Lord's time. Your weaknesses will become strengths or stronger throughout, but it will never happen in just an instant. We need to get up and fall multiple times to show that we mean it and to learn how to continually fight against your weakness.

So why do we have weaknesses? To learn. To learn to be humble. To learn to continue fighting. To learn to trust. To learn to be patient. And probably most importantly, to learn more about ourselves and God. We learn more about the potential that we can do as we strive to improve our weaknesses. This life isn't just about doing, it's about becoming.

When I was finishing my mission, I felt amazing. Not just because of the many experiences I had. Not just because of the many people I had meant. But because I had finished it. There many, MANY times on my mission that I wanted to quit and give into going home. I kept telling myself I would feel a lot better if I was just home moving onto my life. But that feeling of accomplishing your entire mission is one of the best feelings you can have so far throughout your life. Accomplishing something that was hard in your life is awesome. I hate weaknesses, but I love strengthening my weaknesses.

Pressure of Getting Married

Being in Utah and being single can be pretty tough. The default mindset of when you come home from your church mission is usually looking for a wife and dating a ton. This is a pretty good goal to think about. I mean, we all want to be with someone we love all the time whether we want marriage or not. But being pressurized to get married fast or not jumping on dating can be stressful.

I have been home from my mission for about 5 months now and haven't gone on a single date. Why? That's a good question because most days I ask myself that. Why don't I reach out and ask girls on dates? Am I scared? Do I think it's a waste of time? I have been thinking about this a while and it does trouble me. Being married to the one I love is one of my huge goals. Before I came home from my mission, I had an interview with my mission president and we were discussing the next goals in my life. Everything looked like it was lined up right with school, jobs, transportation. The only thing that wasn't super clear was dating. My mission president gave me this advice, "When you fine the right girl and you love her and she loves you, don't wait for while, make plans to get married." At first this was pretty alarming to hear. Getting married or planning marriage that soon while dating?! That's super fast. But as I have come back to a normal life, I can see others who do put off marriage for quite sometime and you see them question their relationship and things start falling apart.

We should date! Absolutely! No question! But for some odd reason we think when we go on dates that instantly we are in a relationship with that person. One date means a relationship to us. I find that funny. I even thought that way in High school. But dating helps us understand who the person we asked on a date truly are and we get to know them.

There is also one point I want to make before I drop this topic. I am a big believer of fixing ourselves or finding ourselves before we depend on others for happiness or discovering ourselves. If we depend to much on one person for our happiness, we soon lose what we find our own happiness on whether it be scriptures, sports, friends, family or whatever. Once we find our happiness or our road, then the relationship we have with others will not completely control our life.

I am a wierd person. I AM! I like certain things that others find wierd, time wasting or whatever. But does that stop me from thinking about dating or moving foreword from life? No. Just because I like something that may seem odd, different, or doesn't quite fit your life style doesn't mean I don't go through the same struggles as others do or just ignore them.

Marriage is, again, one of my big goals. And I am sure that over time I will learn more about preparing for marriage or just love in general. I don't know everything about love and I don't believe anyone else does either. But we constantly learn more about it every day as we should.

Don't let others pressure you to go on dates. Go at your own pace. Don't let others press you to get married super soon. Go at your own pace and pay attention how good you feel about the situation. Get your life in order so that your future spouse may help you, but not be all depended on.