I Hate My Weaknesses, but...

Weaknesses just suck. It is tough to see yourself each time become subject to your weaknesses over and over again. When you think that you have came over your weaknesses, it is still there and it is a bother. It hurts your self confidence and sometimes your self worth when you fail to yeild to your weaknesses. So if these are the effects of weaknesses, why are they necessary?

Well, why do we have weaknesses in the first place? Wouldn't it just be easier if we were strong in all things so that we won't have to go through heartache, depression, or other hard feelings? Well, yes you would be right. Life would be easier. But what is a easy life worth if you don't know the various different feelings to endure and to learn about? If we all had no weaknesses in our lifes, where would be the experience you would gain in trying to overcome that weakness.

I will tell you now that, for some reason, I absolutely love the feeling of doing something very challenging or hard and completing it. It helps me realize I can do hard things. Let me give you an example that happened pretty recently: I work at a warehouse job and it isn't too hard. It is mainly packaging foods and all that. One day, in the middle of my shift I got super weak. It wasn't mainly a throwing up feeling, it was just that my body felt weak and tired. It wasn't a regular tired old feeling you feel when you don't get enough sleep or that "2 o'clock" feeling people have. I could have easily just said, "Hey, I am really tired and I think I am sick so I want to go home." But I really wanted to earn the money. I wanted to challenge myself. I wanted to push onward. I went throughout the rest of the work shift feeling super sore and tired, but I finished the shift. Even though I felt like I was going to faint or just purely sleep, I felt great! I felt good that I pushed through to the end.

Now you may say that I shouldn't have pushed my body that way and it wouldn't be good for it. But that isn't the point I wanted to say. Do we feel sometimes the same way about our weaknesses? Do we think, "You know what, let's just take the easy way out and give into temptation or give into our weaknesses and not make them strong."? Even though it may seem easy at first, the feeling afterword just sucks! You feel like you can't do anything. You feel like you are back at square one and that you can never get passed that step.

These are usually the thoughts that I think of when I keep coming back to my weaknesses. It is terrible. But it isn't good to dwell on these thoughts forever. What I do is I look on how much I improved from last time. Like, "Look how much money I saved this time instead of spending it all." or "Look how much I have ignored or not gotten into this temptation." I learn this tatic thanks to one of Al Fox's posts about overcoming trials.

When we look at the scripture in Enos about our weaknesses become strengths, what do we think usually? I remember that I thought that if I simply asked the Lord about turning my weakness into a strength, it would turn into one that instant or sometime that day. Sometimes we fail to remember that things happen in the Lord's time. Your weaknesses will become strengths or stronger throughout, but it will never happen in just an instant. We need to get up and fall multiple times to show that we mean it and to learn how to continually fight against your weakness.

So why do we have weaknesses? To learn. To learn to be humble. To learn to continue fighting. To learn to trust. To learn to be patient. And probably most importantly, to learn more about ourselves and God. We learn more about the potential that we can do as we strive to improve our weaknesses. This life isn't just about doing, it's about becoming.

When I was finishing my mission, I felt amazing. Not just because of the many experiences I had. Not just because of the many people I had meant. But because I had finished it. There many, MANY times on my mission that I wanted to quit and give into going home. I kept telling myself I would feel a lot better if I was just home moving onto my life. But that feeling of accomplishing your entire mission is one of the best feelings you can have so far throughout your life. Accomplishing something that was hard in your life is awesome. I hate weaknesses, but I love strengthening my weaknesses.

Pressure of Getting Married

Being in Utah and being single can be pretty tough. The default mindset of when you come home from your church mission is usually looking for a wife and dating a ton. This is a pretty good goal to think about. I mean, we all want to be with someone we love all the time whether we want marriage or not. But being pressurized to get married fast or not jumping on dating can be stressful.

I have been home from my mission for about 5 months now and haven't gone on a single date. Why? That's a good question because most days I ask myself that. Why don't I reach out and ask girls on dates? Am I scared? Do I think it's a waste of time? I have been thinking about this a while and it does trouble me. Being married to the one I love is one of my huge goals. Before I came home from my mission, I had an interview with my mission president and we were discussing the next goals in my life. Everything looked like it was lined up right with school, jobs, transportation. The only thing that wasn't super clear was dating. My mission president gave me this advice, "When you fine the right girl and you love her and she loves you, don't wait for while, make plans to get married." At first this was pretty alarming to hear. Getting married or planning marriage that soon while dating?! That's super fast. But as I have come back to a normal life, I can see others who do put off marriage for quite sometime and you see them question their relationship and things start falling apart.

We should date! Absolutely! No question! But for some odd reason we think when we go on dates that instantly we are in a relationship with that person. One date means a relationship to us. I find that funny. I even thought that way in High school. But dating helps us understand who the person we asked on a date truly are and we get to know them.

There is also one point I want to make before I drop this topic. I am a big believer of fixing ourselves or finding ourselves before we depend on others for happiness or discovering ourselves. If we depend to much on one person for our happiness, we soon lose what we find our own happiness on whether it be scriptures, sports, friends, family or whatever. Once we find our happiness or our road, then the relationship we have with others will not completely control our life.

I am a wierd person. I AM! I like certain things that others find wierd, time wasting or whatever. But does that stop me from thinking about dating or moving foreword from life? No. Just because I like something that may seem odd, different, or doesn't quite fit your life style doesn't mean I don't go through the same struggles as others do or just ignore them.

Marriage is, again, one of my big goals. And I am sure that over time I will learn more about preparing for marriage or just love in general. I don't know everything about love and I don't believe anyone else does either. But we constantly learn more about it every day as we should.

Don't let others pressure you to go on dates. Go at your own pace. Don't let others press you to get married super soon. Go at your own pace and pay attention how good you feel about the situation. Get your life in order so that your future spouse may help you, but not be all depended on.

Video Games CAN be a Money Trap

The first time I was ever introduced to video games was when my family got an Sega Dreamcast. We absolutely loved it. I got super addicted to it very fast. But I was young and didn't have much money back then. Over the years, our family got new game systems starting with N64, then PS2, X-Box, and so on till now. And over those years, I got games either through my birthday or through Christmas. No money spent for video games was awesome!

It wasn't till I hit the age of 16 where I got a job when I realized that video gaming can be a pretty fast money trap. I started spending as soon as I got my paycheck on the new games either for my iPod or the current game system that we had. It felt great to have that game as soon as you bought it and take it home, but it sucked knowing that you don't have much money left because of that big purchase. The consequences weren't too severe when I did this when I was young seeing that I didn't have to pay any bills or rent or much anything.

Through my Church mission, one of the things you learn is how to manage your money seeing that you get so much or your own money that you payed for your mission per month. It was really nice to get that idea and it help us in more months than not to manage our spending. But when I got home after, I had access to all of my money again and I hadn't really played any games during those 2 years while I was gone. "I had to catch up to gaming!" I kept telling myself and I just kept spending and spending money on games. Sometimes even peer pressure from friends who told me that I "NEEDED" to get this game or new system even worked. Again, that feeling of getting that game at first felt great! But after a time, I started to question why I even bought those games. I hardly played them. I just got them because either I was told I needed to or just jumped too fast to the purchase.

Now you notice that in the title it says "can" in all caps. Some people are very excellent of not falling into this trap and can manage their money very well and still buy games when they feel like it is right. But for others, we can jump on these purchases too fast and before we know it, our money is gone. Sure, there can be some deals that will be there, but we also have to be careful to not jump on too many of those as well or we lose track.

I still like playing video games today. But now, I research about the game to see whether or not if it is a game I would play quite a bit. Not just a game that seems very short and I can get it done in a day. But also I need to be careful that a game doesn't occupy all of my time. I want a game where it's something worth the money I spent on it, not just a $60 drop on something I will hardly even touch.

In today's gaming world, we see many times where you can buy a game, but if you want more you can buy these packs called DLC (Downloadable Content). You pay extra money for these and most of them are hit or miss.

This can also be applied to many other things, but I found this certain experience the one that I have to deal with every day. I sometimes got to GameStop or the electronic section in a store and it take a lot of will power to not purchase anything there. It is exceedingly difficult to see something that is the hit of video games and saying to yourself, "I don't need it". If you ever go into video gaming, just be very careful with your money.

I just needed to get this off my chest. I have seen many people who use all the money they earn and it is gone the next day and they have to work to get it all back to do the same thing again. Video gaming can be so much fun and even better with your friends. But it isn't worth the sacrifice of hundreds of dollars that you spend on games you don't need.

It is DEFINITELY the Most Wonderful Time of The Year

I am one of those people who freaks out about Christmas, but not really till around of after Thanksgiving time. I am a big fan of holidays, but I don't really show it that much, except Christmas! I absolutely love Christmas. Just the spirit of it is so heartwarming and being with those that you do love is amazing! Being gone for two years for my Church mission, I missed two Christmases with my family, but had the opportunity to share it with other families. I am very grateful for these families for welcoming us in during this busy time and making the best Christmas they could give us.

But this year, I am now back from my mission and I will be able to spend it with all of my family. It has been a long 2 years of not being with my family. But this holiday season, I am so grateful for the chance to be with them.

It is also a time where we are reminded of the birth of the Savior Jesus Christ and why he was born. Although I wish that this was the circumstance was like this no matter what, I still do like the process of remembering the Savior's birth. Remembering the beginning of his life on this earth and what he was sent down here to do brings comfort to me.

I do have a weakness though when it comes to this time of the season. I give way too much! Is that a problem? Well, to others, no because they are receiving the gifts and really appreciate it. For me, although it does bring me great joy in giving others gifts that I believe would make them really happy, I tend to spend too much money during this time. And especially at this time where I am in college and need to save my own money that I will need to be careful during this time. I am sure when I get a stable job and save enough money I may go back to my habit of giving gifts like crazy, but for now, I need to think smart during these times.

I love Christmas! I just love it so much! The feeling, the sights, the sounds, the music, the everything is amazing and I hope that you may find your peaceful Christmas as well. Merry Christmas to everyone during this time of year!

(Picture is from the show "K-On")

Review of Gaokoa.Love.100 Days (Visual Novel)

I started to get into the visual novel genre of video games (if you count visual novels video games) when I came back from my two year church service mission. The first one getting me into this interest was "If My Heart Had Wings". This game was beautiful and it just got me into the story at a early start. The art is beautiful, the characters are very memorable, and there are moments that stick out to me. This game was pretty dang long too and there were multiple endings. Just 5 endings, most of them good.

However, that is for another story on my complete thoughts on that game. For now, I am going to be talking about the second visual novel game I played and I am currently playing as well. This game is called "Gaokao.Love.100 Days". What caught my interest in this game is from the hugely overwhelmingly positive reviews I read on steam or just the internet in general. It claims to have 52 endings. 52 ENDINGS!!! That is way more than 5! But is this just a normal visual novel where I just read and click every once in forever to change my path? Although that is sometimes the case for this one, there are more added features that make this game super intense!!

Here is the basic story: You are a high school student in China who is about to take this test called the Gaokao in three months. I really don't know how to say it, but the point is it is a very important test. However, at the very beginning of the game it shows you asking a extremely lovable character named Muxin to be your girlfriend. She is amazed by this and agrees to do so. Later on you get introduced to other characters with different quirks. They add to your story as you are to prepare for the Gaokao and/or build your relationship with Muxin.

Sounds like a good start out to a game? I thought so. Then they introduce another part of the game other than just choosing a certain choice in this game. The study times! Here is what it looks like:

The numbers on the left are your subjects and your scores. If you want to get good scores, you review a certain subject and it will increase. While you need to pay attention to your health and stress because if your health starts to get close to zero or stress gets too high, your performance may be effected and it can trigger some nasty effects in your story that you wish you can undo. This is where the fun and also the killer stress kicks in. The choice is up to you. Do you want to ignore, though sometimes improve your scores and increase your relationship with Muxin, your new girlfriend, or do you want to focus on just studying. It can be hard to choose at times, because trust me, your choices early on have HUGE impact. But I won't spoil much of the story.

I remember my first play through. I thought I was on the right track trying to balance out my relationship with Muxin and my scores. Then my first mock test, I got a terrible result. Then one thing led to another and I kept making hard decisions that I continuously kept regretting.  I got really frustrated and, I'll admit, took a break from the game because I couldn't take it. But later on, I kept going and my first ending wasn't....terrible, but wasn't good at all. I can say I have played through this multiple times and have grown more attached to this game. It may take over my #1 favorite visual novel, "If My Heart Had Wings".

Are there any faults in this game? Well, being a game that comes from China and being translated from Chinese, there are a couple weird translations. It isn't enough to ruin the game, but they can be a bit noticeable. You may have noticed up in the picture, there is an items button. When you go through this game for the first time, you don't have much items at all that really help you. You can find other items to help you as you go more throughout the game. But you may get a little frustrated seeing that your scores are not improving as much as you want. Especially when you see others play the game and they do tremendously well and you can't seem to do so. Other than those, I don't really find much fault in the game.

Although I consider this game to be more clean than other visual novels I have explored or played, there are quite a bit of swears. But unlike other visual novel games, this one does not have a big emphasis on sex with each other. This is a pretty clean high school relationship game. If you want to start easing your way into visual novels, then cleanliness wise, I would point you to this game.

I really like this game and there are still a couple times where I sneak in a play here and there. The replay ability is there especially if you don't like your ending. I will say that the ones where you do get in a relationship with Muxin or others is really satisfying. If you are interested, it is on Steam for $9.99.

P.S.: I forgot to talk about the music in this game. I love it! It really captures the atmosphere of what you are in. There are some serious songs, but when there is a goofy moment, the song does not disappoint. I do have quite a bit of the songs on my phone and I do listen to them. The theme is really relaxing as well. Although I don't know the lyrics seeing that they are sung in a different language, it doesn't take away the relaxation at the ending of the game where you can rest from all your decisions. Go have a listen if you want!

(From left to right: Xiaohan, Muxin)

The Ministry of Christ to the Nephites

We have heard many times throughout the Church that the biggest highlight of the Book of Mormon is when Jesus Christ comes and administers to the Nephites. What better way to learn of Jesus Christ gospel than to hear it from himself? Many wonderful things happened while Jesus visited the Nephites. But I am going to talk about one of my favorite moments of that whole ministry that can be applied to us in our needs.

This particular moment happens in 3 Nephi chapter 17 where Jesus is teaching the Nephites many things and he sees that the Nephites can't comprehend all of his teachings and tells him that he is going to depart so that they can study out in their mind. Does Jesus sometimes do this to us? Although we hear multiple times that he never leaves us, do we feel like Jesus leaves us for a bit so that we can understand his teachings? There were many times in my mission where this was the case. We were told many things both by members and non-members of the gospel that were pretty deep. But it just took some time thinking about it and going back to the basics so that we could find out for ourselves if what they said was true.

But that isn't the part that I wanted to focus on. It is the part after this moment that really hits me. In verse 5 we read, "And it came to pass that when Jesus had thus spoken, he cast his eyes round about again on the multitude, and beheld they were in tears, and did look steadfastly upon him as if they would ask him to tarry a little longer with them." I am sure we all feel this feeling. We wish that we can feel the love of God all the time in our lives, but there can be distractions that pull us away from that or draw our minds somewhere else. 

Listen to what Jesus says in the next two verses:
6. And he said unto them: Behold, my bowels are filled with compassion towards you.

 7 Have ye any that are sick among you? Bring them hither. Have ye any that are lame, or blind, or halt, or maimed, or leprous, or that are withered, or that are deaf, or that are afflicted in any manner? Bring them hither and I will heal them, for I have compassion upon you; my bowels are filled with mercy.

This is a personal invitation from the Savior for us to bring others or ourselves to him so that we may be healed. But you may say, "I am not lame, or blind, or halt, maimed, leprous or death. So this invitation is not really directed towards me". To these people, I say they have forgotten one thing that Jesus said in that verse. He invites those who "are afflicted in any manner. What fits into that category? I would say everything! Whether it be depression, addictions, or anything that we are having a hard time going through, that category covers it. So not only was Jesus healing the Nephites physically here, he was also healing them mentally and spiritually. And this invitation is to all.

Patrick Kearon of the Seventy reaffirms this in his General Conference talk in October saying, "The invitation given to the Nephites, when He ministered to them as the resurrected Christ, is still in force for you and for me: “Have ye any that are sick among you? Bring them hither. Have ye any that are lame, or blind, or halt, or maimed, or leprous, or that are withered, or that are deaf, or that are afflicted in any manner? Bring them hither and I will heal them.” ^.

In closing I would like to read one more scripture, Alma 7: 12 "...and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." May we be able to continue to come to Him and have him be able to heal us.

A Crucial Step People Tend to Overlook When dealing with Addictions.

           We know that there are some addictions out there that can take control of a persons life. There are some that are easily denied where the opposite is also there. I believe that we all have our weaknesses and some of us may have identified very crucial ones throughout our lives. It may be as simple as someone "needing" a certain substance in the morning to wake them up or always using certain electronics for most of the day. It also may be something big in our eyes like misuse of drugs, pornography, spending money, etc.
       
           We also have been told many other ways to deal with these kind. Some of us have also been taught that we need some spiritual help in order to help deal with these addictions. You have have heard of the 12 step program. In this, it shows a 12 step process to help us control with our various different addictions. The twelve steps are the following:

1. Honesty

2. Hope

3. Trust in God

4. Truth

5. Confession

6. Change of Heart

7. Humility

8. Seeking Forgiveness

9. Restitution and Reconciliation

10. Daily Accountability

11. Personal Revelation

12. Service

          I will put the link down at the end of this blog that will direct you to the website that explains these 12 steps in more detail.

          Now, these 12 steps are great! Many others have tried this and it can work! Some others have and have struggled, but they know they have progressed more than where they had been previous. Some others can't even get past the first step! But the important thing is that they did put in some effort for dealing with their addiction.

         Now, this is not the crucial step I am going to talk about. There have been some who have been fighting their addiction for a very long time and feel like their hasn't been any process with it. Or others may notice that they have progressed a ton since they decided to do something about their addiction, but feel that they are stuck, or that they cannot overcome their addiction. Now, in my opinion, overcoming an addiction most of the time takes a while. Perhaps maybe even years. Addictions may be with us for quite some time.

        Now, this is where I believe one of the big steps of overcoming an addiction can come into play. There are too many people who think, "If I just declare that I don't want to do my addiction anymore, that I won't go back to it.". They may find however that they tend to go right back to the habit that they so declared they would never do again. That is a very tough feeling to go through and it sucks! One thing I have found helps a ton to help us keep our mind off of our addiction is to DO something else. Just sitting there and telling yourself, "No, I am not going back." rarely solves it. Once we go out of our way and do something else, we can be able to keep our mind occupied on other things.

        We know that addictions are super hard to go through alone. Thankfully, we don't have to go through it alone. We have a Savior who knows what it is like and to point us the way to help overcome it. I firmly believe that usually addictions take a while to fully overcome. Many of us are still going through our addictions. But if we look back at the progress that we have made to where we began this addiction to where we are now, we can see we have made so much progress. Sure, our addictions are not fully healed as we want them to be, but we need to recognize that we have become so much more doing so. Isn't that what life is about? Finding out who we are and also what we can become? Addictions may hold us down at times, but overtime it can be a big stepping stone for us in life.

LDS 12 step Addiction Recovery: http://addictionrecovery.lds.org/steps/1?lang=eng